“Tried” (NSFW)

[Apollo, Athena, and Phoenix make their way to their seats, looking none too happy. A man is already seated on the end of the row, faint red glow from a visor on his face illuminating his surroundings. Next to him is a card table with a coffeemaker on it. He’s sipping a coffee mug.]

Phoenix: Huh. I have to admit, I’m a little surprised to see you here.

Godot: Why hello Trite. Been a while, hasn’t it?

Phoenix: *sigh* You know, I’d kind of hoped that you were done with that nickname.

Athena: So who’s the X-Man? Uh… no offense… (that was probably pretty rude now that I think about it… I’m just a little frazzled after what happened last time…)

Godot: *sips coffee* None taken.

Phoenix: Oh right, this is Di…

Godot: Call me Godot. Legendary former prosecutor.

Athena: Wow! Sounds like you’re the real deal!

Phoenix: (He never actually won a case…)

Godot: And you, little lady? Upon meeting a beautiful lady, always ask for her name and profession. That’s one of my rules. *sips coffee*

Athena: Oh! Heh heh. Thanks! I’m Athena Cykes. Legendary current defense attorney!

Apollo: And I’m…

Godot: Trite Jr, right?

Apollo: Wh-what?!

Godot: Well obviously you’re Trite’s prodige. Same pointy hair. Same shrill yell. Same shocked expression and tendency to break out in nervous sweats…

Apollo & Phoenix: *sweating* …

Godot: I’m going to call you Trite Jr. Keeps things simple.

Apollo: Mr. Wright, I don’t think I like your friend very much.

Phoenix: (“Friend” might be a bit of an overstatement).

Speakers: Alright, that’s enough chit chat. Everyone please be seated for the sporking.

[Apollo, Phoenix, & Athena take their seats. Athena sits next to Godot, Phoenix next to her, and Apollo next Phoenix.]

Athena: Did you get a copy of the script for today’s fanfiction, Boss?

Phoenix: I’m afraid I didn’t.

Apollo: What about you, Godot? (He seems like the type they might give a script to…)

Godot: No. Just this substandard bilge that the management here tries to pass off as coffee. *sips coffee*

Apollo: (Still, management never gave me a coffee machine…)

The final resistance

Apollo: I’m assuming that “The final resistance” is the title and “WoodenHacker” is the writer?

Phoenix: I would assume so.

Athena: They’re really throwing us into this one blind, aren’t they?

Godot: Justice is blind, so why not sporking?

Athena: Wow! Good point!

Phoenix: (At least someone seems to be enjoying his company).

I finally shipped Athena/Phoenix after holding on to this unposted draft for almost two years now. I’m prepared for so much hatemail and comments now.

WARNING: Contains drugs and spoilers to Ace Attorney 3 and 5. Also, molestation and drugs.

Apollo: Molestation and drugs?

Athena: Athena/Phoenix? (I’m getting a terrible feeling of deja vu…)

Phoenix: This isn’t kinkmeme, is it?

Apollo: Probably not if there’s a content warning? It’s like this fic was stolen out of the back of a truck. Never a good sign.

Godot discovers a new coffee mix. He sends it to the Wright Talent Agency for testing, carelessly forgetting about the warning label…

Phoenix: Well that doesn’t sound too bad.

Athena: Maybe it’ll be harmless…

Godot: Ha! As if I would waste a special blend of coffee on someone with tastes as plebeian as Trite’s! This story has broken character before it even began!

Phoenix: Hey… (My taste in coffee isn’t plebeian! Well maybe a little… is Folgers plebeian?)

This contains molestation. I tried not to get into rape.

Athena: T…tried?

Apollo: I have a really bad feeling about this…

I’m completely sane and don’t want to give the impression that I’m not.
(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Phoenix: Well at least the author understands there are certain lines you don’t cross. Maybe it won’t be too bad…

Godot: In my experience, Trite, people don’t feel the need to tell you they’re sane unless they’re also going to give you a good reason to believe they aren’t.

Phoenix: *Gulp*

Athena: Um… Boss? Apollo? I found something under my seat… *holds up barf bags*

Phoenix: Oh, that’s not good. That’s not good at all.

Apollo: I have a really, really bad feeling about this.

The doorbell rang once again.

Phoenix: Once again? Are we starting in media res?

“Mr Wright Hello?” The mailman said. Only the girls were there; both red and blue attorneys were away on a court case.

Apollo: Sure. Reduce us to the color of our outfits.

Athena: I think that was an attempt to sound artsy.

Apollo: Well it was awful.

“Huh?” Athena sprung up from the couch. “This must be the delievery Mr.Wright talked about!” She told to Trucy, who was now practicing her newest ‘torn and restored’ card trick in her room. Trucy rushed out. “Hey! That’s what Mr.Armando gave to us! Coffee beans!” After signing in proxy of her boss, Athena thanked the mailman and sat on the excuse of a couch with trucy, opening up the packets.

Apollo: Trucy’s in this? I’m kind of surprised she’s not here.

“Woo! This must be Uncle Godot’s gift to us!” Athena shouted. “Hey trucy, lets’ try it, one cup wouldn’t hurt, right?” She was jumping in excitement.

Athena: Uncle Godot?

Godot: Apparently the author is going to pretend that we know each very well.

Phoenix: Not likely, given how long it took you and Apollo to meet Maya. But this was probably written before that happened. Also unlikely because Godot would have to be out of prison and not dead. I mean, he was practically at death’s door at the end of the Hazakura Temple case!

Godot: You can leave coffee out on the counter to get cold, you can dilute it with cream and sugar, but at its heart it’s still coffee, Trite.

Apollo: Um, what?

Athena: I think he means that no matter how bad his health may be, he’ll stay alive as long as it’s his will to live! Right?

Godot: Correct Little Lady. Nice to know that one of your apprentices has something between the ears, Trite.

Apollo: (How…?)

“Hmph… Seems like you haven’t been recieving gifts, Athena! You should get used to it, y’know.” Trucy bounced. Athena barely had any slept last night when she was fuc- I mean, talking with Simon Blackquill the whole night.

Athena: Wait. Back up.

Apollo: And so it begins.

Damn all this Cykesquill shipping is affecting my writing. Another damn… I broke the fourth wall again, didn’t I?!?!

Apollo: Calling attention to it does not make it better.

Godot: So… *grins* who is this “Blackquill” guy?

Athena: It’s not what you’re thinking!!!

Anyways, they quickly said a ‘cheers’ and drank up the coffee. “Hey Athena, what time do you think Daddy and Polly will come back?” Just then, the door knob slowly opened. A small reunion. Wright and Apollo then heaved sighs of relieve that they won the case. Just then…

“Errr…Boss… Are you okay?!” Athena said. Phoenix then was unmoved. “What? No. I don’t even look sick.”

Apollo: So is he okay or not okay?

Apollo seconded as well. “Yeah… He looks fine. How about erm… You two? I’ve seen you’ve tried the coffee…”

Apollo: Ah, just a momentary case of bad grammar then.

Phoenix: Actually it hasn’t been too bad compared to some of what we see in here.

Trucy then launched herself into Justice. “We’re grrrrreeeeeeaaaaaaatttttttttt….

Apollo, Phoenix, & Athena: *singing* The one and only tiger! The one and only taste! You know how to take a breakfast and make it…

Godot: See? Trite and Trite Jr, in perfect harmony.

Apollo: (No fair! Athena was singing too…)

The coffee was wonderful… Though I do feel a little wierd…” Stroking down Apollo’s tie, trucy then pulled him in, Apollo almost fainting of a heart attack.

Apollo: Oh no.

Phoenix: Oh no.

Apollo: Suddenly really glad Trucy isn’t here right now.

Godot: As sure as I am that this is about to go in a very perverted direction, isn’t “almost fainting of a heart attack” a bit ridiculous? All she did was touch his tie.

Athena: Um…

“TRUCY! What do you think you’re doing?!” The father in blue said.

Phoenix: Okay, now that’s starting to annoy me a little. I wear colors besides blue! Like grey! And light blue!

“Athena? Do you know what’s happening?!”

Athena stood up with a loud yawn. “Mmmm…nothing…boss…” She then slowly stood up and walked towards Wright. The latter now felt like he was in a horror movie, where he was getting away from a killer of sorts. “Oh…crap.”

Athena: M-maybe I’m just sleepy…

Godot: Running in terror from a woman. Just another Saturday night for Phoenix Wright.

Phoenix: Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?!

Whlist backing, Wright could see Polly trying to stop trucy from pulling down his zipper, and then in a second, they were both on the floor.

Apollo: Oh no. Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no.

Athena: *whispers* Um… Boss? Aren’t Trucy and Apollo…?

Phoenix: …Yes.

Godot: What? I feel like I’m out of the loop here. Fill me in.

Athena: *whispers in Godot’s ear*

Godot: *spits out his coffee mid sip* Oh. That’s low even for the typical writers of this bilge.

“Heeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyy bosss…..” Athena murmmured. “Have I ever told you…. how hot and handsome you are?” Athena’s weak grin was scaring the shit out of Wright now. “What is going on?!” He then shouted to deaf ears. Athena then replied in a killer voice, “ohhh… Nothing… you’re so cute, it makes me wanna fuck you, boss…” And hence she proceeded to do just so.

Phoenix: Whelp! That’s it! End scene! No need to describe any more!

Athena: Uuugh… I think I might need one of those bags.

Wright was just so fast enough to deflect Athena’s kiss to him to his neck.

Phoenix: Oh. So nothing actually happened then?

“STOP IT YOU TWO! STOP IT RIGHT NOW!” He commanded. This only however made Trucy more interested in Apollo, now hugging him and twerking at his face, shirt taken off.

Apollo: *Buries face in hands*

Speakers: The management would like to remind Apollo Justice that not looking at the screen is forbidden.

Apollo: *Looks back at the screen, his expression pure agony*

Speakers: The management would like to extend the same warning to Phoenix Wright.

Phoenix: Ugh. *Looks back at the screen*

Resisting lustful pressure, Phoenix then pushed his feminine co-worker away, while helping the other only sane person im the room up. Of course, Trucy was lifted up too, and Athena, like a desperate robot, continued heading in Wright’s direction.

Athena: Like a… desperate… robot?

Godot: Odd description, definitely.

Wright then quickly sent an emergency text. “Armsndo, pls gt to my officce nw!” He clumsly typed and sent it to Godot. This was his only hope, now, just to try not to get raped by his co-worker.

Godot: The text even looks like something someone would type in a hurry. That’s attention to detail.

Phoenix: Are you enjoying this?!

Godot: I’m just trying to focus on something positive to help get us through the experience, Trite. You should thank me. After all, you and your apprentices are hardly sporking at all. If I don’t cover for you, you’ll get in trouble.

Phoenix: That’s… I… (Grrrr, he has a point!)

Athena, now smirking, continued. “Boss… You’re irresistable… ” she was no loosening her tie, and trying to handcuff her boss with her ponytail.

Phoenix: Say what?

Apollo: How would that even…?

Athena: *clutches her ponytail defensively* Stop staring at my hair, everyone! Stop! Arrêtez!

“Let’s see how you’re doing down there.” Wright then suddenly felt a hand grabbing his dick so hard that he screamed.

Athena: Why? Why writer? What did I ever do to you?

Was this what it is liked getting raped? Was it? As a man?

Phoenix: This isn’t even gross. This is just disturbing. I’m genuinely starting to feel violated.

Apollo: Remember when the author said something about avoiding rape? Weren’t those good times?

Phoenix: Don’t worry, it’ll get interrupted at the last possible second. That must be it.

Athena: I… I really hope so. This is actually much worse than when I was a stripper.

Godot: Wait. You were a stripper?

Athena: In a FIC!!!

Meanwhile, a glimpse, Trucy then slammed justice into a wall, biting his face. Apollo had enough nerves to stop it, but not from her humping him later.


Apollo: You know, I’d just like to point out that this is incredibly unrealistic.

Godot: I would certainly hope so.

Apollo: No! I mean yes! I mean physically it’s unrealistic! I’m in pretty good shape! There’s no way Trucy could push me around like this!

Phoenix: Hey! That’s a good point! The same goes for me and Athena!

Athena: What?! I’m in pretty good shape too, I’ll have you know! And I know marshal arts! Remember when I threw that police officer into you, Apollo? And you’re flabby and out of shape, Boss! I bet I could put you in a hold and…

Phoenix, Apollo, & Godot: …

Athena: I’m… not saying I would, just that… theoretically… I could

Phoenix, Apollo, & Godot: …

Athena: …I think I’m going to sit very quietly now, until it’s over.

Speakers: The management would like to remind Athena Cykes that not sporking during the presentation is prohibited.

Athena: Ve a sentarte en un puercoespín, gilipollas!

Speakers: Athena Cykes will refrain from insulting the management in languages that some members of the management may not be familiar with.

Back to Wright, Athena was giving him rapid licks like a dog would, and vibrating his cock for him.

Athena: Oooh. Gonna need that bag any second.

Phoenix: Vibrating?

Athena: Stop talking about it!

Then, she gave him a sloppy kiss he was unable to defend from. Should he punch her or knock her out? Who is more important, his virginity or her sanity?

Phoenix: What?!

Godot: *muffled laughter*

Apollo: Her sanity? From punching her? That’s not how that works!

Godot: Are you saying that this wondrously talented author might not have a good understanding of the workings of the human brain, Trite Jr?

Athena and Trucy continue undressing Phoenix and Apollo.

Apollo: Oh, so they are going to summarize some of it.

Phoenix: Maybe… they’ll skip the worst parts?

Wright looked in horror as Athena took of his underwear, and started stroking his long penis. “Boss… This is HUGE!” She complimented Wright. Before Phoenix could raise an objection, Athena was already licking up that incredibly sensitive part of Wright.

Apollo: I don’t think so, Mr. Wright.

Athena: *gags into barf bag*

Apollo, in a upmost heroric attempt, pushed trucy away for a bit and threw a little ball at Athena, causing the latter to go off course, though still licking its side of Tiny Phoenix Wright.

Phoenix: Wait! First it was “long” and “huge” and now it’s “tiny”? That’s a glaring contradiction!


Apollo: Can we please not?

Godot: *Muffled laughter* Trite seems awfully defensive about “Tiny Phoenix Wright”, doesn’t he?

Phoenix: Ha ha! Very mature, Diego.

Apollo: Seriously, let’s not, alright?

Just then, Apollo noticed that he himself was no longer of his boxers, and trucy was also naked, her cunt was now entering his dick,

Athena: Hers was entering his?!


Apollo: *spends next several minutes throwing up*

Phoenix: *grabs a barf bag and also throws up*

and there was nothing he could do. Athena had also started sucking Wright’s in hopes that they could proceed in the oral sex.

Athena: NO! This story was supposed to AVOID rape! That’s what the author said!

Apollo: *weakly* “Tried”.

Athena: How do you TRY and FAIL to not write about rape?!?!

Was this the end? “Goodbye virginity, it was nice knowing you…” Apollo mummured.

Apollo: *groans*

Godot: *chugs coffee*

Just then, like light at the end of the tunnel, two coffee cups then stunned the two molesters that were about to be turned into rapists. Another two icy cups, and both girls were knocked out.

Phoenix: So there was a last second interruption… it just came about a minute too late.

“You were lucky, Trite. Any more than ten seconds and you would have started the process” The white-haired prosecutor said.

Godot: Ha! So I had to come in and clean up Trite’s mess. At least one thing in this story was realistic.

Phoenix: (Has this guy forgotten that I was the one who cleaned up his mess in court?)

Apollo: “Started the process”?! It’s way too late to try and be discrete about this!

In a fit of anger, the head of the agency blurted out. “What was IN that coffee, Mr.Amando?!”

Apollo: I have a feeling the answer is going to be stupider than we could imagine.

Shaking his head, Godot could only reply “That’s what you get for not reading the labels. Laxative is the reason why Girls can’t have more than two cups. Just like how Coffee itself must have a limit of 17, the laxative will do a little… Something.”

All: …

Godot: *thunderous laughter*

Apollo: Do I even need to point out that that’s not what laxatives do?!

Phoenix: Should we really even be concerned with that at this point?

Apollo then joined in “Don’t worry, Mr.Wright. I’m sure I didn’t ejaculate. So no one’s getting pregnant…?” He said to his boss, who was now thinking what if they DID have sex,

Athena: Are you claiming they DIDN’T now?!

Phoenix: I don’t think this author understands what sex actually is. Which explains how they accidentally wrote about rape while trying to avoid it.

and Athena gives birth to one more child of Wright, and Apollo getting a son out of his half-sister? The thought already make Wright sick.

Phoenix: It’s making me sick right now!!!

Apollo: You’re not the only one. Athena! Barf bags!

Wright could only find a table, grabed his hair firmly. And rest his elbows on the table in disbelief. And have a cup of java thrown at him, of course.

Athena: Ha ha ha ha! How wacky! Ha ha ha! I hate you! Ha ha!

Phoenix: (Geez, I don’t know if I’ve ever seen Athena this mad)


I tried to make double sex.

Apollo: There’s that word again…

Athena: “Tried”.

Also sorry if I made Phoenix seem too much of a dumbass or Godot/Armando too much of a saviour/chuck norris

Godot: No, that part was fine.

Phoenix: Ugh. I don’t have the energy to argue with you right now, Godot.

Godot: *drains his coffee cup* Well, no other way to say it: that was a steaming pile of shit. But at least it was fairly short.

Apollo: I guess that much is true…

Phoenix: Maybe sometime there’ll be a story of this caliber properly featuring you, Godot. Instead of just a cameo at the end.

Godot: And what a day that will be, Trite. Athena. Trite Jr. *nods to both* I’m bailing on this circus sideshow and its substandard coffee. You’re probably all even more eager to be off than me, given the circumstances. Nice meeting you.

Athena: Nice meeting you too!

Apollo: Mmm.

[Godot gets up and leaves]

Phoenix: *sighs* He’s right. I’m going to go home and take a hot bath.

Athena: I’m going to take a cold shower.

Apollo: I’m going to go to sleep and probably have horrible nightmares.

Athena: And let’s never speak of this again.

Phoenix & Apollo: Definitely!

[And with that, they leave.]